This holiday season has been jammed packed with travel and celebration and by the time I arrived in Dubai I was just worn out. I had been sitting in the airport on a 5 hour layover with my girls at 1 am local time and my patience was right about zero.
As I was talking to a friend on Skype I said something half jokingly about how I was glad to be talking on the phone because otherwise I might blow a gasket and explode at the girls. And the response was, “Ahhh, are you restraining yourself from yelling at them because I am watching?” And the truth was no, I wasn’t…
I am not the perfect parent, but I when it comes to yelling at or getting frustrated with my girls, I always ask myself one question first before I let my temper get the better of me. And it is not some big, enlightening question — so don’t get too excited! I simply say:
If they were adults would my approach change?
Basically, if I were dealing with another adult at that particular moment, would I modify my speech? Would I word things differently? Maybe be a little bit less harsh and accusatory?
I am not sitting up on my high horse here, because I do slip sometimes, but I think that yelling at children has become an acceptable means of communication. Maybe because it is easier, maybe because it is what our parents did, maybe because people think yelling will somehow force action quicker… and yet most people would never even consider yelling at another adult — why the discrepancy?
I think yelling at people in general is hugely disrespectful (children included) and very unlikely to do anything but force the other person into submission. Plus the person being yelled at will only end up holding a grudge. When we get upset with another adult rarely do we yell at them. We are usually respectful in our disagreement or annoyance. So why not with our children too?
While I do not necessarily treat my girls like an adult, I do speak to them like one, like a person deserving respect and love and not feeling like I can yell at them just because I am older or bigger or whatever other reason we sometimes use to justify less respectable behavior towards our children.
So that is the end of my tirade! Thankfully my girls slept the entire second flight and I meditated my bad mood away! LOL
Gotta love Holiday travel!! Do any of you have any good tips for my trip back??? Or any methods you use to calm down when you feel an anger eruption surfacing??
Thanks for sharing!
Melissa
Hi Melissa,
First let me tell you how much I enjoy reading PG.Lot of time you share my experiences.I am a single mom with a PG son who has mind of his own but very respectful.One of the advantages of being a single parent is you have very strong bond with your kid.Or so do I think.We travel quite some times through the year.I go through similar situation as yours.In our case we love to read,we carry books and airplane games as well try to choose a child friendly airline,(ie.if at that time it fits in our budget:))First remove it from your mind that it is a tough and long flight/wait.Keep them as well yourself hydrated,obviously resulting frequent trips to the bathroom,the kind of a great mom you are I am sure you do follow these thumb rules,still I thought it could help.
Thank you, this blog is really important to me so it makes me happy to hear that others are enjoying it and finding the articles worth reading. Thanks for your tips and I really do agree about kids friendly airlines. We fly Emirates a lot and they do a great job of taking care of the kids, bringing them presents and activities and they make great kids meals (I confess — when the girls sleep through the meals — I eat them!) LOL thanks for your comments and for being part of the GiftED Community! Take care,
Melissa
Hey Cristina! My girls are much older than yours — 7 and 9 and the more I treat them with respect and like they have a mind of their own, the better they respond. When I try to become the dictator or force anything from the place of “I am the adult — you are the child — I know more, better, etc” then they close down and become defensive.
I agree with your comment that parents shouldn’t follow my advise or anyone else’s blindly — this blog is about discussion and providing resources and ideas. I hope that people take away what they like, leave what they don’t or modify it to fit their own family.
And thanks for your tip
My girls and I have an agreement — because we have such a blessed and amazing life, we get to travel and see the world and have great adventures and many of these trips are work related ones that I take them on with me — so in return, whenever I have a work phone call, they are respectful of that time because they know that my work is what makes this lifestyle possible. Skype is a blessing for me because it allows me to work from anywhere — even airports and now on planes too (actually, I was disappointed when airplanes came out with internet on flights, because I now feel like I have to work on the flights 
instead of just enjoying the down time as I used to). And the funny thing was that call at the Dubai airport was with Todd Herman, the guy I did the Interview “2 Bedtime Questions” with… and I was lucky that it was him because he is really great at working with kids and changing their attitude and mindset, and he gave me a great idea on family goal setting that helped pass the rest of the time at the airport 
So, thanks for taking time to share your post with us and thanks for being part of our community!!
Melissa