Four Secrets To A Sane And Happy Household - Tips and Tricks To Develop Your Child's Social Intelligence 8.7106Have you ever thought that children's social growth doesn't begin at six in school and doesn't happen by accident?

Instead, it starts at birth in the home, and it happens on purpose – with the mother and the father leading the way.

Many of us know that there is a big difference between social intelligence and intellectual intelligence.

But not many of us know that social intelligence deserve the same precise, discrete and unambiguous handling that intellectual intelligence do.

What Does It Take to Raise a Socially Intelligent Child?

Social intelligence programs demand very little material preparation but a great deal of on-the-job attention. And the truth is that a social growth program begins the minute your child wakes up until he goes to bed at night.

Janet Doman is the head of The Institutes for the Achievement of Human Potential founded in 1955 by her father, Glenn Doman. She spends her days teaching the parents of both hurt and well children and helping them to discover the vast potential of their babies and their own potential as teachers. It is her life mission to significantly raise the intellectual, physical, and social abilities of all children.

In many ways, this makes the social growth program the easiest and the most challenging program simultaneously. However, there is a great deal of setting out clear rules and responsibilities and having the energy and enthusiasm to follow through with them.

Why Are Kids Misbehaving?

Let's look at a typical social situation that most of us parents go through everyday:

Your child did something outrageous, so what do you do to make sure that he does not do it again?

First you need to identify why he felt that he should behave that way.

In my opinion, there are only two possibilities:

1. He is simply lacking the basic information that what he did is not OK, or
2. He knows very well that what he did was outrageous and he did it on purpose in order to make a point.

Now these two reasons are totally different.

In the first case, a child needs and wants basic information to behave well in society. In the absence of that information, he cannot make good judgments. It is our job to give him that information precisely, discreetly, unambiguously, and joyously.

Let's be honest here.  When our child does something socially incorrect, we are much more likely to come down on him like a ton of bricks. Right? Well, this shouldn't be the case because this behavior is clearly a failure on our part as parents. We should give our kids the right 'information' and directions on how they should behave in public and make sure they understand and retain the information.

In the second case, where a child has intentionally done something to create an upsetting situation, we generally take one of two paths:

1. The Classic Blackmail Case

   If we are in public,  we may try to brush off the incident with nervous laughter and bribe the blackmailer into silence. This, of course, is a deadly mistake that only guarantees that next time he will up the offer.

2. The I-Am-Bigger-Than-You Case

   The other path is for us to become even more outrageous than he has been—the "I-can-be-an-even-bigger-gorilla-than-you" school of thought.

Both responses are so spectacular and so predictable that a good case can be made that little children intentionally create these upsets in order to see the fireworks.

But can we blame them? If a child wants to upset us, is it wise to bribe him not to do so?

Clearly not.

If he wants to infuriate us, should we become infuriated? When a child is in the sand box throwing sand, can we afford the luxury of jumping into the sand box with him? Or is it not our job– or our duty–to coach him out of the sand box and to adopt a higher view of himself and others?

And if that argument isn't persuasive, here is a simple fact:putting on the gorilla suit doesn't work.

Every adult on planet Earth who has ever been reduced to a screaming idiot by a child knows it doesn't work.

So what does work? Well I am going to let you in on a little secret that will ensure your child behaves him or herself in public.

The four golden secrets help your child behave in public:

• Social bits of intelligence (these are little gems of information that explain workings of our society)
• Rules
• Responsibilities
• Privileges

These are the basic ingredients of a sane and happy household.

Now here are the instructions on how to use these "secrets".

1. Teach the bits joyously and often.
2. Make the rules clear and simple, and insist they are followed consistently by everyone in the family.
3. Give every member of the household their own responsibilities with awards for accomplishing them and a price to pay for not accomplishing them.
4. Establish privileges that each family member can strive to earn according to his or her status in the family.
5. Pack up the clown costume you used to use to brush through those awkward moments of blackmail.
6. Put away the big stick. You won't be needing it anymore.

Now take a long look at your children. Notice all the thoughtful, sensitive, wise, and wonderful things they do every day. Those are also social bits of intelligence – they are the ones you want them to repeat and repeat and repeat.

The more you notice these and point them out to your children, the more laws of social excellence they will intuit.