Parenting isn't just about mothering anymore. Fathering is a large part of it too. And for the past few decades, raising children has shifted from a mother-dominant field to a father-AND-mother field.
I was reading this article from the New York Times the other day and found some really interesting study results when you cut out the father from the whole parenting picture.
In the study, the fathers who were more involved with child rearing had a huge positive impact on their kids. Just check out this line from the article:
"[The fathers] became more emotionally involved with their children, and the children were much less aggressive, hyperactive, depressed or socially withdrawn than children of fathers in the control group."
Dads, it's about time the world see's how important you really are! As some of you may know, Jake (my ex) and I are divorced and have shared custody of our girls. We are complete opposites (which is why the marriage didn't work) but one thing we do share is a respect for each other as people and the importance we both play in our girls' lives. Because we are so different, the girls learn many things about life during their time with him that are not my strong suits...
And another super important thing they learn by watching us interact, is how a man should treat a woman (and to a lesser extant how a woman should treat a man
I don't mean to get all SHOULDY on you here, but I think it is so important that my girls see how a man treats a woman with kindness, respect and caring - even though we are divorced he treats me incredibly well and I hope my girls grow up and choose men that treat them the same way their dad treats me!
Anyway, I recommend you read the rest of the article. It really reminded me how important dads are and made me happy that my girls have such a great male role model in their life!
Fathers Gain Respect From Experts (and Mothers)
By Laurie Tarkan from NYTimes.com
It used to irk Melissa Calapini when her 3-year-old daughter, Haley, hung around her father while he fixed his cars. Ms. Calapini thought there were more enriching things the little girl could be doing with her time.
But since the couple attended a parenting course — to save their relationship, which had become overwhelmed by arguments about rearing their children — Ms. Calapini has had a change of heart. Now she encourages the father-daughter car talk.
“Daddy’s bonding time with his girls is working on cars,” said Ms. Calapini, of Olivehurst, Calif. “He has his own way of communicating with them, and that’s O.K.”
As much as mothers want their partners to be involved with their children, experts say they often unintentionally discourage men from doing so. Because mothering is their realm, some women micromanage fathers and expect them to do things their way, said Marsha Kline Pruett, a professor at the Smith College School for Social Work at Smith College and a co-author of the new book “Partnership Parenting,” with her husband, the child psychiatrist Dr. Kyle Pruett (Da Capo Press).
Yet a mother’s support of the father turns out to be a critical factor in his involvement with their children, experts say — even when a couple is divorced.
“In the last 20 years, everyone’s been talking about how important it is for fathers to be involved,” said Sara S. McLanahan, a professor of sociology and public affairs at Princeton. “But now the idea is that the better the couple gets along, the better it is for the child.”
Her research, part of a project based at Princeton and called the Fragile Families and Child Wellbeing Study, found that when couples scored high on positive relationship traits like willingness to compromise, expressing affection or love for their partner, encouraging or helping partners to do things that were important to them, and having an absence of insults and criticism, the father was significantly more likely to be engaged with his children.
Uninvolved fathers have long been accused of lacking motivation. But research shows that many societal obstacles conspire against them. Even as more fathers are changing diapers, dropping the children off at school and coaching soccer, they are often pushed aside in ways large and small.
“The walls in family resource centers are pink, there are women’s magazines in the waiting room, the mother’s name is on the files, and the home visitor asks for the mother if the father answers the door,” said Philip A. Cowan, an emeritus professor of psychology at the University of California, Berkeley, who along with his wife, Carolyn Pape Cowan, has conducted decades of research on families. “It’s like fathers are not there.”
In recent years, several fathers’ rights organizations have offered father-only parenting programs and groups, and studies have shown that these help men become more responsive and engaged with their children.
Thank you for this Article. Fathers’ right to be a meaningful part of their childrens’ lives, have been eroded to the point of non-existence. My research suggests that this is a phenomenon consistent throughout the industrialized nations. Children who are alienated from their fathers are more likely later in life to have emotional/behavioral problems, suffer from depression, drop out of school, fail in their jobs, and suffer from other social problems. I invite you to visit my site devoted to raising awareness on this growing problem: http://fathersprivilege.blogspot.com/
David - I agree with you! I think that it is a big problem here in the States - especially if a divorce is happening as I often see dads get shut out form their children's lives even further during this process. Sometimes it's the court system, sometimes it's just the mom holding a grudge and sadly sometimes it's about money because the less time dad's have custody, the more child support they have to pay. Of course, some families I see now are splitting amicably and co-parenting, but the gap is still too big and I am glad to hear about your site and the fact that you are raising awareness on this important topic!