Photo by: Flora
And the winner of the number 1 key factor to increase intelligence is...
(Drum role please...) Self Control??!
I bet you didn't see that one coming! But it's true, evidence from numerous different studies indicate that children with above average self-control have higher intelligence - and the reverse is also true.
You see, children behave like the adults in their life. If children watch adults rewarding themselves for no reason and irregardless of their accomplishment, then they will learn to do the same.
So how can you use this information to help your children? Here's some quick tips.
- Understanding that the times you reward yourself should be when you've given your best performance in whatever you do (i.e. what did you accomplish to deserve it? Perhaps successfully completing a project calls for a new purse!).
- Acknowledge successes! Celebrate when a child successfully practices self-control and don't reprimand them when they don't.
- "Think fun thoughts". When researchers have kids think happy and fun thoughts instead of focusing on the reward, then they are able to delay gratification longer.
- This may seem like common sense, but keep rewards out of sight. Don't condition your child with daily visual or verbal reminders of the reward. Remember, we want them to be successful here, not make it harder for them.
- Look for times to teach your children patience, not only by pointing out times where patience is required, but also explain to them why it is necessary. Give tips on how to do it successfully too.
Remember that kids model the adults they love, so even if they are naturally inclined to have good self-control, then can "unlearn" this habit by watching adults that "give in to just 1 more piece of pie" or that say things like "Why wait - let's really live and enjoy life right now."
Don't get me wrong. While I am all for living in the moment and enjoying the here and now, when self control is important for success, I think is is necessary that we teach our kids this valuable skill.
Check out this video on delayed gratification and how it can predict future success.
The video of kids trying their hardest not to eat the marshmallow is priceless!
"If children watch adults rewarding themselves for no reason and regardless of their accomplishment, then they will learn to do the same."
If in the above statement you replace the word 'rewarding' with 'loving' then you have the perfect recipe for the state of living in which self-control is totally unnecessary because desire naturally subsides.
There is no need to reward someone who already loves themselves. What use is some trinket, food, drink or drug compared to love?
Someone who loves themselves does not need to complete projects. What use are projects when one loves oneself and one loves life as it is, NOW?
Love does not need a reason. Everyone deserves love, unconditionally.
But sadly we have almost completely replaced unconditional love with conditional reward systems and destroyed consistent unshakable happiness in the process.